Parents are the beam of light reaching children's hearts

I was born in 1984, and have a 12-year-old son. In 2013, our family of three moved from our hometown Nanyang, Henan to Beijing. In the first few years, everything went well, my child studied and grew up well. However, after entering grade 3, since my child couldn't attend the college entrance examination in Beijing (as the family’s Hukou is not registered in Beijing), peers who grew up with him were gradually leaving and heading back to their hometowns. Finally, during summer vacation after grade 5, my child made the same demand: "Go back to our hometown to attend school."

"My child doesn't talk much with others at school. After class, he always finds a corner, lowers his head and kicks the wall."

The elderly in our family are in poor health, so I sent my kid to a public boarding school with good teaching qualities in our hometown. Even though this was a choice made by my son, there were still constant troubles during the first semester.

Just the first month, my son broke four pairs of shoes. Whenever the teacher called, his second aunt would buy a new pair and bring it to the school. However, after a few times we became concerned. The shoes were all of good quality, how come the toe caps were easily broken? After asking the teacher to observe for a while, we found out that our son doesn't communicate much with others at school. After class, he always finds a corner, lowers his head and kicks the wall.

At the time, his small figure carried a lot of pressure. The textbooks and the teaching progress are different between Henan and Beijing, where he needed to readjust himself. Being a transfer student, he has no friend in the class. He is often teased by his classmates: "Aren't you a Beijinger? Why did you come back here?"

When I called and attempted to talk to him, his voice was harsh: "Just forget you have a son like me." His grandma said he changed, a child who used to be so tender, suddenly became a "gasoline can" that bursts easily.

"Online communication cannot replace physical company. Sometimes I really want to give him a hug, but that’s impossible."

Without a better choice, I went home more frequently. Every 20 some days, I would go home for a weekend. The round-trip tickets for the high-speed train cost over 800 yuan. I can't bear to pay that much, so I would take the slower train, which would only cost over 400 yuan round-trip. I've collected a huge pile of train tickets.

Despite being separated for only a few months, the child who grew up with me became evidently distant. Later, when I went back more often, constantly received news of his studying and living conditions from his teachers, and talked to him on chosen topics, the situation gradually improved. The most obvious change was during the pandemic last year, I could see my son was thrilled when I stayed home for over four months.

Now I work in Beijing, and I talk to my son every day for half an hour. We talk about school, about interesting things in his class, and I can clearly feel his mental state become more stable. Nevertheless, online communication cannot replace physical company. Sometimes I want to give him a hug, but that’s impossible.

"Give a child enough love and protection, and his eyes will have light in them."

For children, migrating from then returning home have evident impacts. Before, my son used to be extremely bright, but when he made the decision to return home, the radiance in his eyes was gone. It was replaced by a compromise made too early.

Only by giving a child enough love and protection, will his eyes have light. I am a parent born in the 1980s, I value company and protection of my child, and I did my best to spend as much time with him as possible when he first moved back home. However, I have many friends who do not realize the importance of this, or are too occupied by work to spend time with their children, which tremendously affected their parent-children relationships.

Parents have to become the light for migrant children who returned home, this is my takeaway from the experience. But I also hope there will be more policies that can help resolve this issue, so we don't have to endure the pain of separation any longer.

Author: Wang Jing, practitioner in the maternal and infant industry, a "drifter" in Beijing (people who live and work in Beijing without a legal registered local residence) for eight years

Interview by: Deng Hui, reporter of Guangming Daily